Sunday, December 6, 2009

Fighting to Stay Alively

Last night I watched SNL, then went to bed.

I had a dream that I was at the taping of last night's episode with host Blake Lively (Me-Ow!), but did not make it past the monologue. Here's how it went: Opening Bit (Armisen played the president, yada-yada-yada), intro showing the cast, and Lively walked out to the stage and proposed following her as she took us through the previous week of her first SNL experience.

At that point, I probably would have followed those stems (yeah, that's a Clueless reference) into a lion's den, which is not far from where she took me. Adjacent to stage-left there was a dark pool - This was a dream, remember. - and she dove in expecting the audience to succumb to her request. However, I was the only brave (maybe desperate) soul to take the plunge.

Know let it be known that I'm a pretty good swimmer. My dad swam for KU, I was in lessons as a baby, and used to swim a mile (multiple times per summer) in a lake for boy scouts every summer.

As I entered the water, I was aware that I did not take a very good, deep breath for an extended dive, but figured Blake would not keep me submerged for too long since this was Live television. As I followed her in the direction of backstage, there was an interesting setting of an old-timey school room with children from the 'Bodies' exhibit facing our direction, but not moving an inch. It was pretty disturbing, but what was most bothersome was that there was no air pocket at the top of the room and I beginning to need it.

Ms. Lively then grabbed my arm and pointed me in the direction of the open door further back in the room, so I motioned for her to go but she shook her head as though to say, "Don't worry about me. I am fine." I didn't know what to do, but decided that my survival was now #1 on the priority list. If Blake turns down an opportunity to live, that's her choice. So I frantically swam for the door, which was dimly lit as though there may be an exit for the air I so desperately needed. When I poked my head out the door I looked up, and my heart stopped. There was no air. I was drowning. This is how it ends.






In the middle of the night I woke up from this nightmare coughing hysterically, gasping for air, and relieved that I was alive. This has never happened to me before, and hopefully never will again. How did it happen? How can a dream seem so real, that I will hold my breath until I awake with the most fundamental desire to breath?

Blake Lively almost killed me in my dreams.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Bette Midler on My Mind

I still have my AOL account. It's old, yet effective.

Lately it's taught me how to do this:


Now if I can hang onto that until Feb. 14th

Friday, June 19, 2009

Sorry it's been so long...

By the way, I ride the bus now.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Eighth Grade Algebra Notes?

From: Mom
Sent: Wed 5/13/2009 10:38 AM
To: Gav
Subject: Just need to ask...


I am cleaning the basement, and I found your thick notebook. It is all your homework/assignments etc. very neatly put in a tabbed organized fashion. The teacher is Mrs. Seiler, and you were in the 8th grade.

Do you want this or should I toss it?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Found It.

I Live for Live

This evening, I saw An Horse at a bar in Westport and enjoyed it very much, which is fortunate because I was excited about it for about a month prior (more on the gig later.) As I was in preparations for the show, I started to reminisce on some of the concerts I’ve seen over the last few years (sadly, not nearly as many as when living in Lawrence.) I truly enjoy watching bands perform for a multitude of people they have no relation to, however are a part of these persons' lives - otherwise, they would not be in attendance. Also, this is not a comprehensive list from my life, but...

A reverse-chronological list of concerts I have record of:

Spoon, Apr. 20, 2008, Liberty Hall, Lawrence, KS
The last show of their tour, which was originally scheduled for September or October, but had to be postponed due to the band being on SNL that week. Their bass player is from Lawrence, so they’ve been adamant about returning on a regular bass-is. (Get it? *Rimshot*)

Polyphonic Spree, Oct. 20, 2007, Granada, Lawrence, KS
I drank extremely too much prior to this show, and regretfully do not have many recollections of a show you will read more about at the bottom.

Arcade Fire, Sep. 28, 2007, Starlight Theatre, Kansas City, MO
Because of the stationary seating with no standing room at the front, watching a rocking show at Starlight sucks, and the band realized that about :30 seconds in.

The Shins, Feb. 12, 2007, Liberty Hall, Lawrence, KS

Secret Machines, May 19, 2007, Highline Ballroom, New York, NY
I took my first trip to NY to see this show. Because I attended the show as an individual, there is no second witness to David Bowie’s wave from the VIP seats along the upper edge of the venue, but it happened and that is the biggest/closest I’ve been to a celebutante. Thanks, again, Lindsey for your gracious accommodations and wonderful Dijon-chicken dinner.

Secret Machines, Death Cab for Cutie, Keane, Mates of State (Bleeding Kansas Arts & Music Festival), Aug 5, 2006, Burcham Park, Lawrence, KS
This music festival was a lot of fun, and HOT (outdoor festival in Kansas, in August, Blah.) Chris, Dan, Shawn, and I knew the girl working the beer station, so we cooled ourselves with free Miller Lites.

Nickel Creek, Apr 14, 2006, Liberty Hall, Lawrence, KS

Gogol Bordello, Apr 4, 2006, Bottleneck, Lawrence, KS
Monica’s idea. It was weird, but I’m kinda weird so it worked out.

Aimee Mann, Jan 29, 2006, Liberty Hall, Lawrence, KS

Animal Liberation Orchestra, Nov 7, 2005, Bottleneck, Lawrence, KS

Mates of State, Sep 27, 2005, Granada, Lawrence, KS

Coldplay, Sep 21, 2005, Verizon Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
This ticket was given to my by a friend who got sick the day of the concert. We had seats, as opposed to sitting in the lawn, and they were fantastic.

Rilo Kiley, May 11, 2005, Granada, Lawrence, KS

The Shins, May 8, 2005, Liberty Hall, Lawrence, KS

The Fiery Furnaces, Apr 20, 2005, Bottleneck, Lawrence, KS
This band is more upbeat than most, and on this particular evening I felt like I had taken whatever drugs they were on because the entire show was a medley being played at double-time. It was Fast and Rocked, almost like we stepped into a Fiery Furnace.

Kings of Convenience, Mar 16, 2005, Bottleneck, Lawrence, KS
I went to see a girl. The band’s CD is still with me, however the girl is not.

Modest Mouse, Feb 22, 2005, Uptown Theater, Kansas City, MO

Secret Machines, Feb 10, 2005, Bottleneck, Lawrence, KS
The show that started my love for this rockin' band.

Death Cab for Cutie, Oct 15, 2004, Beaumont Club, Kansas City, MO
Chris and I drank quarts of Red Bull and vodka’s on our way to this show. There are many stories that came out of the evening, including: falling off a chair, Chris spotting and approaching a table deemed the hottest in the bar and our group subsequently hanging out with girls from Oklahoma, Blaine and his friend travelling to Oklahoma to meet said women a few weeks later and having a terrible time.

Concerts I do not have record of, however are etched into memory:

Polyphonic Spree, Summer 2007, Denver
The best live performance I have ever seen. ~26 members, 2 ½ hours, and confetti cannons. I was in awe.

Tilly and the Wall, 2005 or 2006, Bottleneck, Lawrence, KS
This concert had to be in the summertime because the AC was broken in the bar, creating a sauna for the band and fans. The conditions particularly created havoc for Tilly and the Wall because the have a tap dancing percussionist. Before the show started, the poor girl was getting buckets of ice from the bar. By the end of the gig, we could barely breath it was so hot in there, not to mention all the hipster funk fermenting in the humid air.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Royal Retort

The Royals scored one run on opening day. Three rows in front of me, the rambunctious gentlemen and their acquintances down the row were unconcerned that they were standing during a majority of the second inning, when Billy Butler crossed the dish. The two men directly in front of me were not happy about the situation and scolded the disinterested fans, which lead to this rebuttal:

"Have some fucking fun, man! We're just trying to start the fucking wave!"


Sunday, April 5, 2009

Raisix Kirunch

About 2 months ago I started eating cereal before work. Prior to this morning routine, I would go straight to work (~4:35 a.m.) and eat some yogurt and toast with peanut butter (we've got a toaster in the break room, no big deal.) Now I enjoy a hearty bowl every morning and depart at approximately 4:45 a.m. in a much better mood than the previous phase of my cereal-less existence.

Just eating cereal doesn't make my practice enjoyable, but the transition from one box to the next is what I really get excited about. Now, let me explain, I love sugary cereals just as much as the next guy (although I'm not a fan of chocolaty varieties, and therefore they never make my rotation), but I also understand that the whole grain/healthier kinds are necessary for my teeth and waistline to remain within reason. Therefore, I maintain a box-by-box rule that consists of sugury/non-sugar/yummy/eh/contains red-4/Oat Boats.

Now each of us has experienced the half-bowl situation when the box empties, leaving only enough a kindergartner might find satisfying. This brings a conundrum which I usually plan for the previous Sunday at Hy-Vee as I stand in aisle 6 encountered with a host of options to create my own Cereal Transition Creation! For example, just when my (generic) Cinnamon Toast Crunch drops only cinnamon and sugar in the bowl, I've got a box of (generic) Crispix waiting in the wings to accompany the swirled squares for Crispinnamon Crunch. Second, when the (generic) Corn Flakes supply runs thin, I'll combine them with a fresh box of Fruity Pebbles (obviously, generic), however there is an adjustment that must be made: for proper mixing purposes, the floating Pebbles must be poured first with the left-over Flakes dusting the top of this mound of Fruity Flakes. If reversed, the flakes would sink and the pebbles would float, wrecking the entire purpose of the exercise.

Finally, I would like to share my best creation to date. A while ago, Kix were on sale and I was able to purchase the small box at a reasonable expense (unbeknownst to me it was so pricey). The previous week I had been enjoying Hy-Vee's version of Raisin Bran Crunch, and when I combined these two lightly-sugared (sometimes I break the mold, sue me) it was one of the greatest cereal experiences I have had in a long, long time.

* Today, I purchased a box of Wheaties to accompany the leftover generic Honey Comb. I'm worried about this one, but could be pleasantly surprised if the ratio of Honey Comb to Wheaties is high. I'm thinking: Wheatey Comb

Thursday, April 2, 2009


He broke his collarbone, so I thought: What ever happened to this?

Any of my people that read People?


Saturday, March 28, 2009

Spin Doctors

When you have some time to kill and want to listen to the radio, I HIGHLY recommend radio

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

In Your (Own) Eyes

Personally, I find it odd to hear Peter Gabriel sing about Peter Gabriel in a Vampire Weekend song.

...although he describes how unnatural that feels, so whatever.

Hot Chip & Peter Gabriel - Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Teenie Nicotine Fiend

I'm trying to decide how I feel about this. Part of me says, "It's terrible." Part of me says, "It's funny." All of me says, "The Chinese culture has a major problem with cigarette smoking."

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Katsak Fever

Dn introduced me to Uhh Yeah Dude. I added Jonathan Larroquette as a friend on Facebook. This video was added to his profile by a fan like myself.

From Shane Allen, "Circa 1992, Mike Rowe (host of Dirty Jobs) worked in (very) late-night TV selling crap to idiots on QVC. He used the opportunity to its full comedic potential."

Friday, February 20, 2009

Sacked Up

Tonight I bought two bottles of wine from a liquor store near my house. Upon returning home, I discovered the first bottle was sacked in a Wal-Mart French Loaf Bread bag accompanying the second bottle in a larger Spencer's Gifts plastic sack.

I really don't care since their functions are transposable, but it is a little queer. However, I guess every business is attempting to cut costs as much as possible, so it only makes sense to use free bags rather than buying some. I'm going to cork that Rouge. See you all tomorrow!


Sunday, February 8, 2009

Boo's Now?

A-Rod + Steroids + Yankees + ESPN = One of the many reasons I don't have cable


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Pill Pie, The Science Pry(??? - Who cares? I'm sick.)

Dear Science,

I'm ready for meals to be available in pill form. Some evenings after work, I don't have any food in the cupboards, refrigerator, and frankly, nothing sounds tasty to me that night. I could go to the grocery store, for something will likely wet my tongue, or even stop for fast food. Heck, going out to a sit down restaurant would probably fire the neurons associated with my stomach after only a whiff. But tonight, I don't really feel like eating. I've got a bit of a cold. I'm tired from my 11 hour work days. I want to pop a cocktail of pills and climb into bed. Is that too much to ask?

I'm a science-guy, so I'm not asking you to change your current agenda. Maybe just make the meal-pill next on the list of To Do's.


Saturday, January 31, 2009

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Steve Hairry Predicament

(I usually do not talk to the person cutting my hair. I have it cut about once every 4 months, so just cut my hair so I can leave, please.)



Stylist: Oh, isn't Journey just Awesome!?

I then notice "Lights" in the background and start laughing much harder than is explainable, almost hysterically.

Stylist: I guess you don't like them.

Me: No, the question just threw me off guard. I like a little Steve Perry now and then, just like everybody else.


(The lady cutting my hair is approximately 40, and at this time I realize she is likely to have every Journey album, a few t-shirts, and at least 2 posters hanging somewhere in her residence.)



Stylist: I think Faithfully is my favorite.



Friday, January 23, 2009

Remember When...

On Tuesday, prior to the inauguration, dn and I were emailing eachother about Floyd's and my texting conversation earlier in the day (Floyd went to DC for the event):

  • Me: set up shop yet?
  • Floyd: No - this is a giant shitshow

Dn and I both conceded that we would serve witness to the memorial event planted in our cubicles, which lead to his recommendation for this exposé (to which he may correspond, or maybe not...)

As you (the reader) and I grow old, there will be a new generation behind us (children? blah...) that will ask "Where were you when..." and we will have to reflect upon that day and share what we were doing or thinking at the time. I will fill you in on a few of the events that shaped the youth of our generation.

Where Were You When...

The Berlin Wall Fell?

  • I vaguely remember sitting on the floor watching it on TV. This was a big deal, because at the time my parents would pull the fuse out of the television so my sisters and I would not sit around and watch it after school and in the evenings. For big events (elections, deaths, etc) my dad would put the fuse in and the family could watch. Yeah, it was the 80s, but felt like the 60s.

The Two Towers Went Down?

  • On my way out the door to go to work. My roommate Zach ran up from his bedroom in the basement saying there was something going on because his radio alarm had Peter Jennings giving a live broadcast detailing the devastating event. We turned on the TV just in time to see the first tower fall, and I watched long enough to see the second. Sick to my stomach, I drove 30 minutes to work. It was one of the worst days at the ski shop I had ever had.

OJ's Verdict?

  • I was in class (8th grade?) at the time. No one really cared, except my friend Jake who "Went to the bathroom" and proceeded to run down the hallway in jubilation yelling, "He's Innocent! Not Guilty!" His response to the trial still perplexes me.

Princess Diana Being Runover?

  • I came home drunk where mom and dad were watching the coverage on television. I was 16, therefore avoiding lengthy conversation.

Gulf War Started?

  • My dad and I were in the basement working on my model train listening to the coverage on the radio. He mentioned that, "you'll probably remember this moment for the rest of your life." So I did.

Some other events we listed (that I do not currently have a quality recollection story.) Please feel free to share your own "Where were you when..." tales in the comments section or your respective blog.

    Challenger explodes
    Afganistan/Iraq war starts
    Bush/Gore undecided election night
    Kobain suicide
    ’89 San Fran earthquake
    ’89 mini stock market crash
    OKC bombing
    LA riots


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Cliché It Again... I Dare You.

Now that 2008 is gone, it is my hope that these popular phrases from the year are as well.

"___________ is out-of-touch."
  • While the political figure I approve of populated it during the election, it was used extremely too much for my taste to describe his opponent. Now I'm hearing it used to describe everything from coaches to cereal. For example, "That Cap'n Crunch is out-of-touch," said Tony the Tiger.
"It is, what it is."
  • Really??? Then, what is it? Can you please be more discriptive than using its existence as the modifier. This is also a term predominant in sports, however an acquaintance of mine used it at the bar the other night. I then condescendingly questioned her about what it was. She disapproved.

"Think outside the box."

  • I've been hoping this one is gone since, ohhh, I don't know... 1994. It is my hope that one day people will automatically think of a new solution to an issue without having to be asked to "Think outside the fucking box". Damn-you to hell, Dilbert.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Yup, I'm Still Working...

From: Mom
Sent: Mon 1/5/2009 10:40 AM
To: Gav
Subject: Monday


Are you working today? Painters are here today.

From: Mom
Sent: Thu 12/11/2008 3:06 PM
To: Gav
Subject: Thurs.

Hi Gavin,

Are you at work today? Dad and I are working upstairs :) Hugs, Mom

From: Mom
Sent: Thu 10/2/2008 7:20 AM
To: Gav
Subject: Are you at work today?


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Road Rage

Cut this guy off and it'd be the worst road rage this galaxy has ever seen.

Ma Bell...

*(From time to time, my mother sends emails with little significant information, but sent with love none-the-less. I will share some of these emails if they pass qualification.)

From: Mom
Sent: Monday, October 06, 2008 10:52 PM
To: Sister 1; Sister 2; Gav; Brother-in-law 1; Brother-in-law 2
Cc: Dad
Subject: Bridge class

Dad and I took first place in Bridge class tonight. :) About 18 – 20 people playing the game.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Give Me the Night

I'll try and do better with the posting.

My friend Kris gave me The Best of George Benson this weekend. The irony was that we listened to a ton of George Benson while in Taos.

Here's a taste: